Excerpt for Summary: How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie) Superfast 7 Minute Summary by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie) Superfast 7 Minute Summary

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It isnt what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. Its what you think about it.’ Dale Carnegie

  • Meeting people for the first time can be daunting.

  • Youre keen to make a good first impression, but you often feel self-conscious. You worry about coming across all wrong.

  • Sometimes you may avoid meeting people because its hard. You may feel skeptical that you can change.

  • Andrew Carnegie researched the most successful people in history to uncover valuable insights in building self-confidence as well as enhancing your people, communications, and leadership skills. Carnegies proven advice has stood the test of time.

  • People like it when you smile at them because it shows immediate approval and shows youre happy to meet them.

  • Show others how much you enjoy being around them and theyll instantly like you. When youre happy to see someone, theyll be happy to see you too.

  • When you smile, it boosts your own positive emotions. More smiling leads to more positive emotions that lead to more smiling.

  • The easiest and most effective way to make a great first impression is to smile from the inside.

  • Changing the way you think about meeting people will change the outcome. A positive frame of mind will produce positive results. Youll become more likable.

  • When you meet someone, dont be tempted to start talking about yourself. Talking about yourself shows youre self-centered and selfish, and unlikeable.

  • Be likable and interesting by being interested in others. The secret of being interesting is simply being interested. Listen deeply.

  • Give the other person your full attention. Be genuinely interested in learning about everything they have to say. Dont be distracted. Dont interrupt. Listen closely.

  • Sigmund Freud excelled at listening. Because he was deeply interested in everything people said, they willingly told him their most private fears and desires.

  • Talking about yourself excessively, failing to listen to others, and constantly interrupting them will make people instantly dislike you.

  • Try to listen well and encourage others to open up and talk, especially about themselves.

  • Its not easy to listen well. It will take time and practice.

  • People are primarily driven by emotion rather than reason. Criticizing people by pointing out their mistakes wont encourage them to change their mind or behavior. Or learn anything new.

  • Even if warranted, criticism wont have the desired effect. Whoever you criticize wont listen to what youre saying because theyll feel attacked and naturally defend their position by fighting back.

  • Criticizing someone might help you feel better in the short-term. But in the long-term, it only makes others like you less.

  • Many successful people made it a habit to never openly criticize others. Benjamin Franklin said the secret of his success was that he never spoke ill of anyone.

  • Abraham Lincoln used to publicly criticize his opponents until he was almost forced into a saber duel. During the Civil War, Lincoln famously told those who spoke harshly of the Southerners to stop criticizing them because they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.

  • Criticizing someone is easy but futile. It takes character to understand and forgive someone for their mistakes and shortcomings.

  • Try to understand what drives other people and accept their shortcomings. If you want others to like you, dont openly criticize them.

  • Focus on others. Taking the focus off you is a good way to reduce stress.

  • Be careful of falling back on your old ways. Raising your voice to express a point doesnt work.

  • Shouting at each other doesnt make it easier to be heard. Getting emotional doesnt help.

  • Avoid all arguments at all costs because they cant be truly won.

  • Dont start arguments. After theyre over, both sides will be even more firmly entrenched in their viewpoint.

  • Even if you think youve won an argument, all youve succeeded in doing is making the other person resent you.

  • You dont need to find an agreement. You dont need to impose your ideas on others. Its valuable to have others challenge your views.

  • Be thankful for the input of others. See if you can see it from their perspectives instead of automatically arguing to bolster your views.

  • When you tell a person theyre wrong, you attack their self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Youre hurting their feelings, and theyll naturally want to retaliate.

  • Whenever you express your opposition to persons opinions in absolute terms, it implies youre smarter than them. No one likes to be told theyre dumb. Even if youre smarter than they are, dont display it openly.

  • Its much more effective to be humble and open-minded when you want someone to reevaluate their view. Keep an open mind. Admit you might be wrong.

  • By being inclusive, you can quickly turn opponents into allies, making it possible for you to change their opinions.

  • Benjamin Franklin made it a habit to never openly oppose others and banished rigid expressions such as certainlyand undoubtedlyfrom his vocabulary.

  • Youll make mistakes. Youre only human. Dont beat yourself up about it.

  • Everyone make mistakes. Admit your mistake quickly and clearly to steal your opponents’ thunder.

  • When you promptly admit your mistake before another person can criticize you, you immediately turn the situation around in your favor. The only way for the other person to feel important is to be generous and forgive you.

  • Dale Carnegie quickly and profoundly apologized when a police officer caught him walking his dog without a muzzle. Thanks to Carnegies upfront admission of guilt, the officer wasnt critical or preachy and let him off without a fine.

  • Publicly criticizing yourself is far more pleasant than listening to others do it.

  • Public self-criticism can also make others think more highly of you. It takes character to openly admit your weaknesses and shortcomings.

  • When youre wrong, dont try and wriggle out of it. Admit it immediately and clearly.

  • Being too forceful leads to communication breakdowns. Dont be so selfish.

  • Never let someone know you want to change their opinion. No one likes having to change their opinion. Persuade people indirectly.

  • Win someone over by being nice, polite and patient. If you act aggressively, theyll stop listening and will start to fight back and defend their position.

  • Emphasize shared interests. Make it clear that both of you have the same goals. Only reveal your own views after ensuring the other person believes your interests are shared. Dont rush them.

  • Once someone sees your goals as converging, the most effective way to persuade them of your views is to make them agree with you multiple timed. Ask lots of small questions that can only be answered with a ‘yes.’

  • Getting people to agree to a series of yes questions is known as the Socratic method. Getting more yeses during a discussion means its more likely youll also get a ‘yes’ when you reveal your position on the subject.

  • By carefully using the Socratic method, you can get people to agree with views they had previously opposed.

  • Youre becoming more confident. Your people, communications, and leadership skills are improving.

  • People love being shown affection. It promotes their self-esteem and makes them happy.

  • Show your full appreciation to win others over. Dont hold back. Be enthusiastic. Show youre truly interested in them and in what they have to say. Try to remember what they tell you.

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